You’re quite introverted aren’t you?

I’m an introvert.

But for the first thirty years of my life I had no idea what an introvert was, I’d always just thought that I was different.

That I was quiet, that I was shy, that I was socially awkward, a bit of loner.

Because that’s what my school reports said, because I didn’t contribute in class discussions.

That’s what my parents said, because as a kid I preferred to be in my room rather than outside playing with all the other kids.

And it followed me into my career, I was passed over for promotions because I was “too quiet”.

But I never felt shy.

I was never anxious about being around people.

I just didn’t feel the need to speak up or the need to be surrounded by people all the time.

I didn’t know what or who I was until I was about thirty.

A bloke I worked with uttered the words “You’re quite introverted aren’t you?”

I had no idea what he meant, nodded along and then when I had a few minutes I opened up Google.

And then suddenly everything started to make a little more sense.

Of course I didn’t buy into everything I read, but a lot of it totally resonated.

I then spent the next 12 years on a journey of fully understanding and accepting my introverted ways.

What Introversion Actually Is

It’s how you and your brain prefer to interact with the world around you.

A lot of it is biological, it’s how your brain reacts to stimulation and in particular dopamine.

An introvert’s brain has a higher sensitivity to dopamine and can be very quickly become overwhelmed by lots of stimulation.

Put simply, you were born this way.

That’s why some babies get easily overstimulated, why some are more cautious in new environments and why some kids have lots of friends and some have a few.

It isn’t learned behaviour, it’s not something you decided aged 14.

Overstimulation

Ask most introverts what overstimulates them and they’ll say socialising, i.e people.

Noisy, bright environments can do it too but it mostly comes down to interacting with people.

And one of the places where interacting with people is rewarded, is at work.

Introverts & Work

In most corporate environments, the people who speak first are seen as confident. The people who speak most are seen as engaged. The people who are always visible are seen as high potential.

So if you’re wired to process internally first, it can feel like you’re slightly out of step.

Like you’re missing something.

Like everyone else got a handbook you didn’t.

But like I’d tell my 10 year old self:

You’re not broken.
You’re not behind.
You’re not less capable.

You’re just wired differently in a system that signals competence differently.

And if you’ve ever felt that quiet friction between who you are and how work operates, you’re not imagining it.

You’re not alone in it either.

When did you first realise you were an introvert?